Walk into the light
As I think about the coming New Year, I know some things for certain. I know that my husband won’t die this coming year as he moved to heaven this year. I also know that the grief will be less in 2016 because it is not so new. For me, the most important question is what will change in 2016?
Since Joe left, I find myself learning to rely on Jesus, my husband and my Lord. It is new territory.
When I had friends lose their husbands, I would say, “You know that Jesus is your husband now.” It was cliché’ and glib. I had no idea what I was saying.
As a widow, I have missed my husband’s presence. He is not here to hold my hand and kiss me good night. Being alone isn’t so bad but what I find is that I miss his human touch.
As I have spent time learning to get closer to Jesus and understand Him as my husband, I have wondered how I would be able to manage with the absence of human touch.
In a recent Sunday service, the Holy Spirit showed up in an extraordinary way. The revelation that came to me was astonishing. He showed me that when I am in the Spirit, I can step into Him and He can step into me. We are one in the Spirit. I don’t think there are words that can clarify exactly what I mean, but it is breathtaking.
He is my Savior, my King, my Owner, my Husband and my Love. We are one together in the Holy Spirit. He touches me in a new way and it is truly fulfilling.
I am His bride and the New Year is filled with expectation. I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.
My silence for the last two years as a blogger was because my husband of 35 years had become very ill and moved to heaven in January. I served as his caregiver and blogging was the last thing on my agenda. Because I haven’t posted for a very long time, I lost the rights to joyousbells.com.
Welcome to Old Lady Brady’s Joy Journey (oldladybradysjoyjourney.com). I trust that our time together will be filled with love and joy. So let’s begin:
I have watched as Joe’s illness caused me concern, turning into stress and frustration. I attended my sweet husband as he failed. I tried to give him healthy food, vitamins, herbs and anything else that he would allow. I prayed and I became desperate. I would get unhappy with God and He would remind me that He had given us both everything that we needed for life and godliness. Joe also knew that but he was so deep in the flow of the disease that it had a firm grip on him. I watched helpless with a broken heart.
During this time, I was blessed with a church family that came alongside. One of my sisters in Christ became a care-giver with me. She taught me so much. My pastor and the men in the church encouraged me and when the final days came, they took the night watches for me as Joe struggled to let go of this life and move into the amazing heavenly realm.
Joe had Parkinson’s Disease for seven years and in September he fell and broke his hip. As with so many people who have failing health, this was the beginning of the end. He was in the hospitall for surgery, then to rehab and home health care; ultimately moving into a nursing home with hospice.
His home going was wonderful. The atmosphere in the room was filled with the sweet aroma of heaven and stayed with me as I lay in bed with him for the last time. It was the sweet assurance that all was okay. The atmosphere shifted some but it never completely left the room until Joe stepped over.
I miss him but I would not wish him back. He is free and in the loving arms of His heavenly family. I will join him one day. Until then, I have work to do. I have the joy of spending time intimately with my heavenly Father and my Big Brother, Jesus and being grateful to the Holy Spirit as He navigates me through each day.
I am beginning my new life doing what I love. I am writing again. Stay tuned as I will be an active blogger. Thank you for following me in the past. I hope that you stay with me on the Joy Journey.
Joe – in happier days.