Well, I had everything planned and then things changed. Becoming a widow does that. Before there was someone I belonged to and he belonged to me.
Christmas this year will be different, but then I knew that. It will be with my dear and oldest friend in Wichita. She is a widow also and understands this very unwelcome season of life.
I have always been strong and capable; perhaps a bit too much in charge, but all of that is changed as I am learning to flow with this season in a new way.
When my Mom got married at 91, I knew it was because she wanted someone to be with and now, more than ever, I understand. But for me, I would rather be alone than to be with the wrong person.
I am learning that the only One that I can depend on is the Lord and I think it is a lesson He wanted me to learn long ago. All too often, we look to family and friends to fill us up with their warmth and love. Now it is time for me to love them right where they are and fill them up with the warmth that the Lord gives me.. He has them in the palm of His hand and He has me as well.
I remember Mom saying when I came to visit that I didn’t spend enough time with her. I had so many friends to see. Today, in this season, I understand that she was wanting me to be there with her. Perhaps I am reaping what I sowed or maybe it is just the lonely season of life.
I got the most wonderful massage yesterday. The whole time she was using her healing hands on me, she prayed with me. It was a time of refocusing on the important things. I have so much to be thankful for and so many things to accomplish. I am grateful to her.
I am going to have a Merry Christmas and I am looking forward to a New Year of fulfillment and love. Merry Christmas everyone!